“Your Remains”
Friday, Aug 8 2014
Location: Hotel in Atlanta, GA The dust has finally settled. The curtains and windows are open. City lights bounce off into the room. Stars dot the skies above.
Tens… thousands…
Blyss leans out the window, holding onto its frame with her eyes closed. Her body moves with each deep breath she takes. The rhythm soothes her and so she sighs. Her right hand then trembles slightly as she raises her leg, placing her bare foot onto the window sill. She lifts herself up with a firmer grip on the curtains. Opening her eyes, she gazes out onto the night streets of downtown Atlanta. Her lips are pursed tight and her toes curled as she stands on the window’s edge. She could slip through here right now if she just lets go. Just relax her always tensed muscles and allow herself to fall deeper than she already has. But there she stays, still holding onto the curtain and now swaying a little. The warm summer breeze seems to move her and she lets it, buoyed by the churning sea of emotions inside.
Last week’s match against Riley Owens at the 10th PWP show was a major disappointment in her career at this point. She had gone in truly confident in her own ability, feeling strong enough to topple over that big ego of Riley’s to make him trip over it himself and was so,
so, sure she could finally put those nightmares from her previous failed PWP match against Sweet Potato to rest. Watching Riley’s challenge video had been such a blessing for her. What a way to gain a huge opportunity to redeem herself in the eyes of the wrestling world. The fans, the management, the big suits upstairs and her peers from both companies, her family… all of them. They were going to see all her hard work be paid off in two consecutive important matches of her career.
Beating Riley was a rung below winning the IWF undisputed championship on her list of course but still it had to be done first. That was the order of things which she had feverishly planned to prepare for. She needed that victory to ease her back in after the two months’ worth of slack in physical training. That assurance was very important. Such a bad decision slacking was. Why did she do that? Wrestling is her life, isn’t it? But her priorities seem to be more jumbled up these days. No wonder loss was inevitable. She had welcomed it unknowingly.
She pushes the window further with one foot, her fingers curling into a fist and tightening around the clump of curtain in her right hand. She leans her body out further and then pivots on one foot on the window sill with her other hand gripping the window frame tightly. The rush makes her feel giddy but the good kind. It sends chills down her spine and a giggle escapes her lips. As her body swings, she catches hold of the other side of the window with her right hand so that her back is facing the outside. She presses her face against the window with a lazy smile on her face.
And that’s when her cell phone rings.
She looks at the caller ID and raises the phone to the side of her face. She’s been expecting this call. Before, she had missed it all but tonight… She’s been waiting to answer it.
Blyss Lockhart
Hello.
Her voice is gentle, almost soothing like the melody of a lullaby. The one on the other end of the line however is different. In fact, it’s sharp and very worried.
Mackenzie Lockhart
Lissie, what are you doing?!
The great expectation had built up so much in her head that she misheard the greeting. The voice is unmistakably her sister’s and it actually says, “Lissie, how are you doing?” Instantly, her eyes flit to the streets below, expecting to see this familiar face looking back up at her. But among the crowd below, Kenzie is nowhere to be found.
Blyss Lockhart
Where are you?
Mackenzie Lockhart
I’m still in LA.
Blyss frowns. It figures.
Blyss Lockhart
But didn’t you say you were in New York? That’s what you told me, it’s why you couldn’t come see my match.
Confusion mixed with a dash of desperation is in her tone as she grips her cell tighter. She’s referring to the time when she was about to face Jay Halc for the IWF undisputed championship at the last Battlegrounds show before the PPV in May. She had invited both her sister and father to watch her match but Kenzie had work commitments in Manhattan while their father missed it due to a fishing trip in Vancouver. Even her then boyfriend Nate Propaganda couldn’t make it. Needless to say, Blyss had been devastated and even more so when she lost that night in front of thousands in attendance, those of which included her other friends.
Glancing back up at the empty hotel room before her, she’s not sure which is worse; their presence or their absence. Why is it that in moments she wishes so much to be invisible, they’re around but when she needs them the most, they’re nowhere to be found? It seems so fickle, so frustrating. All so unnecessary.
Mackenzie Lockhart
I’m sorry, Liss. Yeah I was but it’s been moved to LA now. I’m gonna be here for another few months. (pauses) Liss… How are things going in wrestling?
Her sister sounds careful in her choice of words as if any wrong move would just set her off. She doesn’t realize that Kenzie has actually been keeping up with what goes on in her professional life. Since missing that match, she’s been making an effort to start watching every single one of her sister’s even from afar. And it’s not just the matches but also what the IWF cameras show backstage and Twitter. So Kenzie knows that her little sister isn’t doing too well lately, both in and out of the ring.
Blyss sighs.
Blyss Lockhart
Mmm, it’s going.
It’s a typical response from her and her sister knows it too. She’s horrible at hiding her true emotions as they would easily show on her face, in her voice or the way she acts but that doesn’t mean she won’t try. Since they were young, Blyss has always been like this, as if they’re secrets she’s sworn to protect all the way to the grave.
Mackenzie Lockhart
So what’s next for you now?
Blyss can feel her body tensing up as she readies herself to hear her sister lash out at her about any mistakes she must have done. She could already tell from her sister’s tone that there’s a lot more to these seemingly innocent questions. Paranoia grips her. What if Kenzie actually knows what’s been going on? Is she going to tell Dad? Will she finally get to hear from him now?
Blyss Lockhart
There’s a tag match in IWF coming up on the 19th and another singles match in PWP on the 30th. That’s all I’ve got this month.
Mackenzie Lockhart
What’s PWP? You’re working in two places now?
Blyss Lockhart
Um…
Blyss cringes. Her first match there had been a secret from her family. Back then, it seemed like a safe bet that they wouldn’t ever find out even though her cause had been a noble one. She had fought in her mother’s name at the PWP show last October that celebrates the women of wrestling. To her, it was a nice tribute to her mother because it was also National Breast Cancer Awareness month. It was meant to be the type of show she would be proud to just simply be a part of. But that loss was the first of many that quickly followed, including not only losing to her most bitter rival but also the IWF High Impact championship. And she grew to be very ashamed of that until recently when she decided to revisit PWP to regain her lost confidence.
But right now, she somehow can’t find the words to explain that because it’s no longer just the fact that she wants to redeem herself on a more diverse platform in front of the wrestling world. That bitterness she has succumbed to has become a type of need only wrestlers like her would understand. Fighters who live and breathe this competition as if it’s the only way one can validate one’s self. The honor of being in that sacred squared circle can’t escape the taint of this greed. It exists in all of them but only those like her choose to acknowledge it, feed and let it succeed them.
If no one else could understand, how can she explain it to someone like her family who lives outside this crazy and intense world? Plus it’s not like she hasn’t tried before.
Blyss Lockhart
…PWP’s a company I’m involved in occasionally. I still work for IWF. It’s a normal thing we all do with some outside matches on the side. No big deal.
But it
is a big deal. It’s why she’s taking those losses against Sweet Potato and Riley Owen very seriously. It’s why she has come back again for the second time in a row to be included in the next PWP show. She isn’t done with it yet. In fact, she’s far from it. And this newfound greed has emerged from the darkest depths of her conscience which she’s starting to listen to more and more each day. All because Jay Halc, her current rival and mentor on such matters, has taught her why and how she should do it. He has liberated that part of her.
Mackenzie Lockhart
Are things not going well in IWF?
Again, her sister’s question makes her flinch. She nervously pushes her hair behind her left ear.
Blyss Lockhart
No, no… Everything’s fine.
The breeziness of her tone completely gives away the fact that nothing
is fine with her. Even though this behavior is nothing new to Kenzie, it still puzzles her as to why her little sister wouldn’t just confide in her about anything. It’s a normal childish habit that had resurfaced when Blyss was a teenager and gotten worse after the death of their mother. Kenzie remembered the words of her sister’s old therapist when talking about her social anxiety issues. It will come back, she had said. Kenzie really doesn’t want to push it but she can’t just leave her be, especially knowing how fragile she must be lately. She wants her younger sister to know that she’s not alone in whatever she’s going through. So she tries to reconnect with her.
Mackenzie Lockhart
Liss… Is it like Japan?
Blyss Lockhart
Japan? Wh-why do you say that?
Blyss is truly taken aback. She’s been so ready for the predictable onslaught of questions but now her sister is asking about Japan where she had gone off to in pursuit of her dream career in wrestling despite it being against their father’s wishes.
Mackenzie Lockhart
You know, is it like the time when you wrestled there and then you came back all of a sudden saying that you hated it? You said that it wasn’t how you had pictured it. No matter what you did, you couldn’t do better. And we had to convince Dad not to force you back there. You wanted me to help you with that, remember?
She recalled that of course. She’d been so scared too when she lied about coming back home on a short break and that she never planned to return to Tokyo. But thank god for Kenzie, the ever responsible older sister who managed to help talk things out with their father.
Mackenzie Lockhart
Lissie, it’s okay. I… I know. Things haven’t been going smoothly for you. I’ve been watching your matches, you know? Every single of ‘em. You’re great, Lissie. Even though you didn’t win the title at the PPV, you’re still the best wrestler to me. And I’m here for you. You shouldn’t be forced to stay if you don’t want to. I’ll understand and I’ll help you again just like the last time.
Blyss remains quiet as she listens with her eyebrows knitted together in great distress. She places her cell phone over the left ear, biting her lower lip.
Mackenzie Lockhart
Maybe it’s best that you take another break now, don’t you think? Clear your head and have a good rest? It will be good for you, Lissie. Dad’s worried about you. I am too. We all are.
With that, Blyss immediately switches the phone back over her right ear.
Blyss Lockhart
How’s Dad doing?
Mackenzie Lockhart
He’s fine, Liss. I was just talking to him the other day about how you are and he agrees that you need a holiday or something. You seem really really stressed, Liss.
Blyss Lockhart
I’m not quitting.
Mackenzie Lockhart
Okay. You don’t have to quit wrestling. But you need some time off. You were attacked pretty badly at the PPV, weren’t you? What did the doctor say?
Blyss Lockhart
He just gave me some pills.
Even though this back-and-forth is annoying her, Blyss remains patient. But her sister is getting more and more bothered by her nonchalant attitude.
Mackenzie Lockhart
What kind of pills? You know, you sound a little different. You took the correct dosage, right? You can’t speed up that kind of recovery. It takes time.
Blyss Lockhart
I don’t have time for a vacation, Kenz. I need to be ready.
Mackenzie Lockhart
Your matches can wait. Your health ca…
Her sister’s voice trails off as she puts her cell over her left ear once again. Her attention is waning even more.
Blyss Lockhart
I need to do this, Kenzie.
Mackenzie Lockhart
No, you don’t! Listen to me, okay? You’re not well. I’ve seen all your shows, your Twitter, everything! Please, Lissie, just please listen to me.
But her sister’s voice is getting further and further away as she slowly moves the phone from her ear to the front of her face. She leans in close to speak into it.
Blyss Lockhart
Sorry, Kenzie. But if you want to understand anything… understand this.
With that, she taps on the “end call” option and presses the phone against her lips. She tosses it onto the bed and climbs back inside the room. After closing the windows and the curtains, she makes her way back to the bed and falls face first onto the mattress.
This type of behavior from her is getting more frequent. If she could, she would shut out the rest of the world and drown in the darkness that she’s created within herself. For that’s where she hears only the silence that teaches her how to smile where there is no light. But with concerned family and friends, it’s hard to do just that so perhaps she could slowly and surely start to disconnect.
Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Friday, Aug 15 2014
Location: Undisclosed The scene opens up to a medium close up shot of Blyss Lockhart sitting on a chair against a light-colored wall. Due to the video being in black and white, her dark hair framed around her bare face makes her skin look paler than usual. The top angle makes her look smaller and skinnier too. There’s a sheen of sweat on her forehead and perhaps it’s the lighting but the bags under her gray-looking eyes appear more obvious in this video. Her face is slightly tilted down but her wide eyes gaze up into the camera. As she speaks, her voice starts off soft.
Blyss Lockhart
I could say I hate losing. I could say that I’d been cheated of a win, robbed blind in front of thousands of people. I could say that I’m hurt and angry, that I demand for a restart. Because that match doesn’t count. That match with Riley Owens never happened. It was a waste of time, waste of space and a goddamn waste of effort. It. Was. Wasted.
The snarling expression on her face now has her voice increased in volume as the rage inside her rises. Her words though are articulated with the right amount of emphasis on certain things as if she has her emotions in perfect control. She continues to speak through gritted teeth.
Blyss Lockhart
But all of that would have gone right over your heads. You would’ve switched off this video before it could really begin. Because you see, that is the problem. You hear the anger in me, you know what I can do and you convince yourself that that is all I am. But you don’t see everything. Worse, you refuse to see more than yesterday. You refuse to see me more than what I have given in that ring and on social media. You judge me. You lock me up in that category of those that will never be. You put the end to my dreams as if you have any right to. You weigh me in one hand and condemn me to a life of failures. All because I have now resorted to screaming my heart out to be heard. I have faced the doom of silence, knocked head-first into the ground that falsely promises me of safety. I am naive. I am weak. I am foolish. I can only reach for the top but never get there. Right?
She pauses here, her eyes fixed on the camera for a long unsettling moment. Then she looks down as she raises an eyeliner over her face and applies it on her right eye first. She continues to talk while oddly choosing this time to put on her makeup.
Blyss Lockhart
You have branded me as someone who’s out of control, in dire need to be tamed and locked up in a cage. Someone who can’t speak her mind because they aren’t things people want to hear. Someone who has no excuse to defend herself when she feels threatened because she doesn’t understand the world anymore. Someone who’s clearly incapable of taking care of herself because she’s voicing out legitimate concerns. You know, acting how a normal human being would under the exact same circumstances.
She moves on to the left eye now, her hand going faster.
Blyss Lockhart
When a man goes on a rampage, he is deemed to be fierce and strong. A man who goes all out to defend himself is said to be justified of all his actions no matter how morally wrong they might be. He's doing what needs to be done, they say. Only he can protect. It's how a man should be. What he does is justified, easily reasoned with. Forgivable.
She suddenly slams down the eyeliner from that great height to the floor. She then holds up an eyeshadow brush and paints her eyelids, one by one. The stark contrast of the color brings out the lightness of her eyes even more especially when the video is still in shades of black and white.
Blyss Lockhart
But when it’s a woman… Instantly, we become this crazy and irrational bitch who needs to either be put in her place or cast aside like a disease. By men, by women, just ANYBODY, who think they’ve got this duty they need to fulfill, to put a smile on everybody’s faces every minute of every day! Oh how noble, how sweet! YOU don’t get to tell me what I’m doing wrong when you barely know who I am. Who are YOU? YOU don’t count!
In a fit of rage, her hands spasm and she accidentally drops the makeup tool. She immediately holds her head as if to alleviate the aching that’s now returned. With eyes squeezed shut, she breathes hard for a moment before opening them again. Her chest still rises and falls impatiently as she continues to speak.
Blyss Lockhart
You can’t hide the judgment in your voice. Your poor choice of words and deliberate timing reveal everything to me. Even when you type it all on your little keyboard, I know what you really think of me. I’ve already gotten it from a certain Riley Owens. Then someone named Joey Thomas. And you, Chris Night. You had to jump in too. You, ALLLLL OF YOU, have gotten your fair share of expressing your opinions about me. Talk about me like I can’t be aware of what you say. Like social media is any place for private conversations. You don't think I have eyes to see? Just because my body failed me during my match with Riley, I still have the heart to persevere and the face to keep looking up. It may be a battle of egos with me and Riley last month but I gave my all that night and still came up short. Am I disappointed? Yes. Angry? Hell yes. I came back to PWP to beat him, to show that I simply can. ‘Cause when I beat him, I beat my demons. Just one more match. One.. more… My record here is stained with that failed debut. He challenged ME. And I should have beaten him. But I didn’t. For some fucked up reason, I didn’t. And I look at my record, 0-2. How disgusting. When did I become that? That's not me. But is that what you see? Have I become a poor statistic in this business? That girl from Insurgency. The one who used to be something in that ring but eh, I don't know, something probably happened to her. She's different. She's changed. She's nothing like whom she used to be. I don't know, I think maybe they've just been exaggerating about her. Rumors. Gossip. Word of mouth. Lies. Lies, lies, LIES!!!
She swings around to slam the bottom of her fist on the wall behind her. Then she claps both hands over her ears. She starts to spew out a hurricane of words.
Blyss Lockhart
SHUT UP! Shut up! I’m Blyss Lockhart! I'm 24 years old and I'm from Chicago. I started training when I was in high school. I signed with the Insurgency 8 years later. They said I had potential. I proved it. And now I'm still proving it. I’ve been at this for years and I’m still trying to make sure I don’t disappoint anyone with my performance. I’m a FAILURE, aren’t I? Huh, Chris? LOOK. AT. THE. CARD! Where are we on the list of matches? Where were Riley and I last month? It’s in the SAME FUCKING PLACE. Do you know what that means, Chris Night? Do you know what that screams out to me? It tells me that I am stuck here… FOREVER! Where I come from, the Insurgency, I was placed near the top of the competition but with powers beyond my control, I’ve now been dragged back down near the bottom. I was THIS close to becoming the IWF undisputed champion. And I was THIS close to beating Riley too. For months, Chris, for months since I’ve started in the Insurgency, I’ve busted my ass working without rest to realize my dreams BUT I ALWAYS END UP… here.
She purses her slightly trembling lips as her emotions threaten to spill. But she regains control as she covers her mouth, glancing away, before lowering her hand back down. Her eyes return its solid gaze onto the camera, her body turning to face it directly.
Blyss Lockhart
Well, you know what that’s like, don’t you? You turned over a new leaf and you’ve done nothing but work hard to be where you are now. To be the person you yourself can be proud of. Yet this isn’t a place where you’re completely happy, is it? Sure your personal life has helped you along the way. But is that enough to win you some gold in Inferno? Not even just a little bit? Huh. Is this why you’ve stumbled out of there looking for new competition in PWP? So were you glad to see your name against mine? Your luck has drawn you to me. Good for you because I’m still reeling from a huge loss. But that doesn’t matter to me. Let me have my time. Leave me be in my own recovery. Because that match with Riley is in the past. But you wanted so much to know why I am what I am lately. Well, Chris. This is it. But you can only dream of what really goes through my mind because I never tell. You wanted so badly to be this nice caring friend. The respectful man, husband, father, wrestler… What else ya got? This humble guy you’re playing sickens me. And so does your enthusiasm with this match. I don’t hate you, Chris. I just hate what you’re doing right now. Ever since I lost my match to Riley, all you and your friends do is belittle me. You make me hate me. You make me feel disgusted about my efforts in that PWP ring which makes me question and doubt my ability anywhere. No, Chris. I know you keep saying how you see a formidable opponent in me and how wrestling me would be great competition for you but all of that only echo the insults passed from people who don’t know shit about me like Joey Thomas. I did nothing to offend them yet I’ve been dismissed as zero threat in the same business I breathe to live. Because nothing before my match with Riley counts. Somehow that loss have become my prison sentence. Did I somehow die that night?
Caught out of frame, you can hear the loud pop of the cover of a lipstick tube being pulled off. She then colors her lips black, darkening the shape of her mouth, as her wide eyes remain transfixed on the camera. The question continues to linger. She bows her head down, closing the tube. She stays like that for a long moment where there’s complete silence. Then she finally speaks again.
Blyss Lockhart
Oh Chris… We are going to have a fantastic match. It’s PWP’s 1 year anniversary show and we’re going to make it special, you and I. We have a score to settle. With all the hype that’s been built, I’m gonna ride that storm. Then after when I’m done with you, I’ll finally be able to move up the card and get a chance at some gold here too. I won’t let you or any of my so-called friends stop me. Now you can go and start defending yourself. I know you look out for your friends, me included. I know you’re just making sure I’m alright. I just don’t care. Like I said, your praises and positive pre-match talk is all nice and cute but they can’t take away what is obviously hidden underneath. You come at me with all these accusations of me being distracted and unstable. You try to console me yet with reasons like I should act better with others despite battling the disappointment of recent defeat within myself. Keep my head up, you say. Whatever, Chris. I don’t need to apologize for being human. I don't need to apologize for the world’s lack of justice. Ever since our match has been announced, you’ve stolen every opportunity to come out looking better than me in all aspect. I’ve lost count on how many times I had to tell you and the rest of them that I’m fine. Why can’t you hear what I’m saying?! That I’m capable of handling things on my own. I can’t keep explaining myself at the start of every conversation, Chris. I don’t need that bullshit. So I’m not the crazy one here nor am I being manipulative like Riley said. You see, I’ve mostly kept quiet because I’m saving it all for the ring. Yes, Chris. You do have my attention. But if I can’t convince you then I will expose you.
Just as she looks up, she reaches over to turn off the camera. In that split second, all the video shows is her face blurring out of focus and her hand casting a shadow over everything like an eclipse.
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
OOC: “Hello” lyrics by Evanescence
