Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2014 0:57:39 GMT -6
The lengths some people will go to prove a point or simply to be spiteful. Especially people who should know better, after being 15 deep into this wacky nutty bidniz we call professional wrestling. Well, while it's true that The #1 Hit-Maker Johnny Bonecrusher DOES fit that description to a tee, it's not like he wasn't known for unreasonably hostile and vindictive behaviour anyway. And that's why folks love him: his crusty, salty, braggadocious, self-depreciating larger than life personality might not be understood by everyone, but to those that "get it", he's simply a treat to be around. A charming gentleman if you will. Or not, whatever.
At any rate, for a crash course on Johnny Bonecrusher: professional wrestler who's done it all and then some, taking advantage of an injury to his right arm during a major match in order to return to managing. He is currently in the Revolutionary Wrestling Division where he manages The Fold: three wild and crazy wrasslers - "The Canadian Icon" Kruzer, "The Living Dead Girl" Jezzabel, and "Perfectly Sane" Maxwell Schneider. A talent exchange between the RWD and Awesome Championship Entertainment has heated up and incited him to volunteer his services there, where The Psych Ward (the current incarnation consisting of Kruzer and Schneider) are planning on running roughshod if given half a chance.
The rest of the story will unFOLD as time progresses.
Miami, Florida! Now, where has this state been a factor before? Ah, yes, that's right! Nero Fusion Wrestling was situated in Tampa! There, Our "hero" was managing "The Gentleman Thug", Brixton, London's own Adrian Abernathy Gates... until the promotion FOLDed, and Gates' Visa issues sent him packing back to England.
The scene: Artistic Vibes, located at 12986 SW 89th Ave. I know what you're thinking: "This isn't a wrestling venue!", right? Well, believe it or not, you ARE right. Bear in mind, the PWP doesn't appear to put on house shows; they're not going to book an entire sports venue for some nobody shmuck, even if that nobody shmuck IS The Johnny!
So, you're stuck with a place that puts on stand-up comedy shows. However, as a consolation prize, you're also stuck with Randall Jobbs who, between sets this fine eve, has made his way to the front, no, no, don't be silly now, NOT to perform some stand-up on the slide, no, Mr. Jobbs is here at the request of some guy he JUST met earlier on in the day. Let's listen in, shall we?
"Uh, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, we have a VERY special guest with, uh, us! He's recently signed a deal with local wrestling company the Professional Wrestling Project, but he's assured me he's been around the block for 15 years in this business! Please welcome... The #1 Hit-Maker... Johnny Bonecrusher!!"
And through some only-okay PA system, "I Hate My Generation" by Cracker begins to play, which is the clarion call for the man in question this night... evening... whatever it is, who cares? Anyway, out comes Johnny Bonecrusher is what I'm trying to say, dammit! The people in attendance still remember him from his days of managing the big Brit, as well as losing his mind in a swamp. They sure hope he cranks out some jokes, but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were them!
Johnny waves to the crowd, nodding his head in approval of their cheers. He acknowledges Jobbs by shaking his hand, then playfully shoves him out of the way of the mic.
"Lemme make ONE THING... PERFECTLY CLEAR!!!" he shouts as the fans actually repeat it in unison. "Does ANYONE... ANYONE here know the deal with airline peanuts? Can SOMEONE explain to me... why they're not at all difficult to open?"
The crowd laughs.
"I mean, Jesus Christ, have any of you ever BEEN on a plane before? I've been on PLENTY, and those fuckin' bags are easy to open for a guy with both ARMS in casts!"
More laughter... I guess?
"Whoever circulated that myth should be sentenced to be sealed inside a man-sized peanut bag, which, uh, wouldn't be much of a threat, since THEY'RE SO EASY TO OPEN!"
Still more laughter.
"Anyway, The Johnny - oh, that's ME, by the way, for those of you who just arrived or who don't know and/or care about professional wrestling - The Johnny ain't here to venture into yet ANOTHER field which I could most assuredly excel in. No, Yours Truly's here to make the announcement that he's JUST joined the Pro Wrestling Project, which-"
He's cut off by some raucous cheering for his announcement. He eventually holds up his hands to settle them down again.
"Now, while I joined MAINLY to see that Claire Keller most likely get her ingrate ass BEAT by Amy Drew at next month's show, up close and personal-like, I ALSO got to thinkin' about the WRESTLING aspect of the Pro Wrestling Project."
The more rambunctious fans chant, "One more match! One more match! One more match!"
Johnny calms them down again as he chuckles, "Heh heh, well, maybe! But, uh, not here!"
Those same people boo.
"No, the PWP WISHES The Johnny would return to action HERE! InSTEAD, they're stuck with seeing... HIM."
Johnny then points to the... uh... backstage-ish area-type-place? The crowd awaits with bated breath who could possibly be representing The Johnny.
Those ominous beginning electric guitar riffs blare throughout the PA system. It's "Bad to the Bone" by George Thorogood and the Destroyers and after the first or second "Da na na na na na's", the wrestling-savvy members of the crowd know full well who's a-comin', and many back up from the front of the venue, whilst other braver souls flock to get a closer look at The Portland Madman himself, aka "Perfectly Sane" Maxwell Schneider, as he storms a very short distance to meet back up with his manager. He begins to throw some things around, before Johnny nearly freaks out and stops him.
"No no no! Not here!" Johnny shrieks.
Schneider resorts to just swinging his chains around over his head before tossing them dangerously away, luckily not hitting anyone in the process. As the song begins to die out, Schneider starts to calm down, resting his hand on Johnny's shoulder, causing the smaller man to become uncomfortable, and rightly so.
"THIS," Johnny states proudly, "Is 'Perfectly Sane' Maxwell Schneider... as if you didn't know! And HE'S going to be the man representing NOT JUST Yours Truly, NOT JUST the Revolutionary Wrestling Division, but ALSO, each and EVERY one of you FlooooooRIDIANS! ...Miamians? ...YOU guys!"
The crowd roars.
"But competition's fierce, and the PWP's only got ONE strap: The PWP Heavyweight Championship!"
"Uh," interrupts Jobbs, "There's actually also the PWP Tag Team Championships..."
Johnny glares at Jobbs, and not taking his eyes off of him says, "The PWP's only got ONNNNNNE strap: The PWP... HEAVYWEIGHT... CHAMPIONSHIP! So of COURSE that's what's on my man's mind first and foremost, TELL 'em, Maxie!"
"MIAMI!!!" Schneider shouts, causing Johnny and Jobbs to wince. The crowd pops. "Let it be known this day that I... LOVE yer Golden Girls! They taught me to thank people for bein' FRIENDS!"
The crowd laughs. Johnny just shakes his head.
Schneider pulls Johnny in close, much to his manager's chagrin. "Thank YOU for bein' a friend, Mr. Bonecrusher- HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"
Johnny mouths "Okay, okay, okay" as he tries to pull free. The crowd are sufficiently satisfied.
"But more than THAT, ladies and gents," Schneider says at a reasonable decibel level this time. "Miami's gonna be known for it's perfectly SANE champion... sooner than ya THINK! Line 'em ALL up in front of me: yer BIG wrestlers, yer SMALL wrestlers, yer SHORT wrestlers-"
He points at Johnny as he says that last bit, causing the audience to laugh and Johnny to swat his man's hand away from him.
"Yer TALL wrestlers, yer OLD wrestlers, and yer YOUNG wrestlers! Line 'em up, I'llllll KNOCK 'EM DOWN! I got this itch for gold, and ain't a MAN OR WOMAN ALIIIIIIVE that can satisfy that itch, no no NO! THIS kinda itch gets scratched with barbedwire! A bed of nails! Some of them sharp LADY-nails! So get ready for the ride of yer LIVES, folks, 'cuz when the Pain Train builds steam, the ONLY place that ol' train's gonna stop at is Destination: PWP Heavyweight Championship!"
The audience approves! The Johnny approves! Jobbs is forced to approve too!
"And if anyone with them fancy papers that say yer a part of this PWP got a PROBLEM with that, hey, come and debate with me the ol' fashioned way: bloody and brutally, 'cuz baby, that's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I LIKE it!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"
Then "Bad to the Bone" begins to play again, Schneider beginning his short trek back to the back, as Johnny presents his man one last time before following suit.
"Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Bonecrusher and Maxwell Schneider!"
The pair get a standing ovation, as they disappear to the back.
At any rate, for a crash course on Johnny Bonecrusher: professional wrestler who's done it all and then some, taking advantage of an injury to his right arm during a major match in order to return to managing. He is currently in the Revolutionary Wrestling Division where he manages The Fold: three wild and crazy wrasslers - "The Canadian Icon" Kruzer, "The Living Dead Girl" Jezzabel, and "Perfectly Sane" Maxwell Schneider. A talent exchange between the RWD and Awesome Championship Entertainment has heated up and incited him to volunteer his services there, where The Psych Ward (the current incarnation consisting of Kruzer and Schneider) are planning on running roughshod if given half a chance.
The rest of the story will unFOLD as time progresses.
Miami, Florida! Now, where has this state been a factor before? Ah, yes, that's right! Nero Fusion Wrestling was situated in Tampa! There, Our "hero" was managing "The Gentleman Thug", Brixton, London's own Adrian Abernathy Gates... until the promotion FOLDed, and Gates' Visa issues sent him packing back to England.
The scene: Artistic Vibes, located at 12986 SW 89th Ave. I know what you're thinking: "This isn't a wrestling venue!", right? Well, believe it or not, you ARE right. Bear in mind, the PWP doesn't appear to put on house shows; they're not going to book an entire sports venue for some nobody shmuck, even if that nobody shmuck IS The Johnny!
So, you're stuck with a place that puts on stand-up comedy shows. However, as a consolation prize, you're also stuck with Randall Jobbs who, between sets this fine eve, has made his way to the front, no, no, don't be silly now, NOT to perform some stand-up on the slide, no, Mr. Jobbs is here at the request of some guy he JUST met earlier on in the day. Let's listen in, shall we?
"Uh, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, we have a VERY special guest with, uh, us! He's recently signed a deal with local wrestling company the Professional Wrestling Project, but he's assured me he's been around the block for 15 years in this business! Please welcome... The #1 Hit-Maker... Johnny Bonecrusher!!"
And through some only-okay PA system, "I Hate My Generation" by Cracker begins to play, which is the clarion call for the man in question this night... evening... whatever it is, who cares? Anyway, out comes Johnny Bonecrusher is what I'm trying to say, dammit! The people in attendance still remember him from his days of managing the big Brit, as well as losing his mind in a swamp. They sure hope he cranks out some jokes, but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were them!
Johnny waves to the crowd, nodding his head in approval of their cheers. He acknowledges Jobbs by shaking his hand, then playfully shoves him out of the way of the mic.
"Lemme make ONE THING... PERFECTLY CLEAR!!!" he shouts as the fans actually repeat it in unison. "Does ANYONE... ANYONE here know the deal with airline peanuts? Can SOMEONE explain to me... why they're not at all difficult to open?"
The crowd laughs.
"I mean, Jesus Christ, have any of you ever BEEN on a plane before? I've been on PLENTY, and those fuckin' bags are easy to open for a guy with both ARMS in casts!"
More laughter... I guess?
"Whoever circulated that myth should be sentenced to be sealed inside a man-sized peanut bag, which, uh, wouldn't be much of a threat, since THEY'RE SO EASY TO OPEN!"
Still more laughter.
"Anyway, The Johnny - oh, that's ME, by the way, for those of you who just arrived or who don't know and/or care about professional wrestling - The Johnny ain't here to venture into yet ANOTHER field which I could most assuredly excel in. No, Yours Truly's here to make the announcement that he's JUST joined the Pro Wrestling Project, which-"
He's cut off by some raucous cheering for his announcement. He eventually holds up his hands to settle them down again.
"Now, while I joined MAINLY to see that Claire Keller most likely get her ingrate ass BEAT by Amy Drew at next month's show, up close and personal-like, I ALSO got to thinkin' about the WRESTLING aspect of the Pro Wrestling Project."
The more rambunctious fans chant, "One more match! One more match! One more match!"
Johnny calms them down again as he chuckles, "Heh heh, well, maybe! But, uh, not here!"
Those same people boo.
"No, the PWP WISHES The Johnny would return to action HERE! InSTEAD, they're stuck with seeing... HIM."
Johnny then points to the... uh... backstage-ish area-type-place? The crowd awaits with bated breath who could possibly be representing The Johnny.
♫Da na na na na na!
Da na na na na na!
Da na na na na na!
Da na na na na na!
Da na na na na na!
Da na na na na na!♫
Those ominous beginning electric guitar riffs blare throughout the PA system. It's "Bad to the Bone" by George Thorogood and the Destroyers and after the first or second "Da na na na na na's", the wrestling-savvy members of the crowd know full well who's a-comin', and many back up from the front of the venue, whilst other braver souls flock to get a closer look at The Portland Madman himself, aka "Perfectly Sane" Maxwell Schneider, as he storms a very short distance to meet back up with his manager. He begins to throw some things around, before Johnny nearly freaks out and stops him.
"No no no! Not here!" Johnny shrieks.
Schneider resorts to just swinging his chains around over his head before tossing them dangerously away, luckily not hitting anyone in the process. As the song begins to die out, Schneider starts to calm down, resting his hand on Johnny's shoulder, causing the smaller man to become uncomfortable, and rightly so.
"THIS," Johnny states proudly, "Is 'Perfectly Sane' Maxwell Schneider... as if you didn't know! And HE'S going to be the man representing NOT JUST Yours Truly, NOT JUST the Revolutionary Wrestling Division, but ALSO, each and EVERY one of you FlooooooRIDIANS! ...Miamians? ...YOU guys!"
The crowd roars.
"But competition's fierce, and the PWP's only got ONE strap: The PWP Heavyweight Championship!"
"Uh," interrupts Jobbs, "There's actually also the PWP Tag Team Championships..."
Johnny glares at Jobbs, and not taking his eyes off of him says, "The PWP's only got ONNNNNNE strap: The PWP... HEAVYWEIGHT... CHAMPIONSHIP! So of COURSE that's what's on my man's mind first and foremost, TELL 'em, Maxie!"
"MIAMI!!!" Schneider shouts, causing Johnny and Jobbs to wince. The crowd pops. "Let it be known this day that I... LOVE yer Golden Girls! They taught me to thank people for bein' FRIENDS!"
The crowd laughs. Johnny just shakes his head.
Schneider pulls Johnny in close, much to his manager's chagrin. "Thank YOU for bein' a friend, Mr. Bonecrusher- HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"
Johnny mouths "Okay, okay, okay" as he tries to pull free. The crowd are sufficiently satisfied.
"But more than THAT, ladies and gents," Schneider says at a reasonable decibel level this time. "Miami's gonna be known for it's perfectly SANE champion... sooner than ya THINK! Line 'em ALL up in front of me: yer BIG wrestlers, yer SMALL wrestlers, yer SHORT wrestlers-"
He points at Johnny as he says that last bit, causing the audience to laugh and Johnny to swat his man's hand away from him.
"Yer TALL wrestlers, yer OLD wrestlers, and yer YOUNG wrestlers! Line 'em up, I'llllll KNOCK 'EM DOWN! I got this itch for gold, and ain't a MAN OR WOMAN ALIIIIIIVE that can satisfy that itch, no no NO! THIS kinda itch gets scratched with barbedwire! A bed of nails! Some of them sharp LADY-nails! So get ready for the ride of yer LIVES, folks, 'cuz when the Pain Train builds steam, the ONLY place that ol' train's gonna stop at is Destination: PWP Heavyweight Championship!"
The audience approves! The Johnny approves! Jobbs is forced to approve too!
"And if anyone with them fancy papers that say yer a part of this PWP got a PROBLEM with that, hey, come and debate with me the ol' fashioned way: bloody and brutally, 'cuz baby, that's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I LIKE it!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"
Then "Bad to the Bone" begins to play again, Schneider beginning his short trek back to the back, as Johnny presents his man one last time before following suit.
"Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Bonecrusher and Maxwell Schneider!"
The pair get a standing ovation, as they disappear to the back.
THE END.